By Dr. Paul Coleman

            Men and women tend to have fundamental differences in communication styles and techniques, which often lead to arguments and misunderstandings. Remembering and using the communication techniques that make up GIFTS (Gentle, In-flight repairs, Find hidden concerns, Teamwork, Supportive comments) will transform difficult conversation into rewarding and intimate experiences.

            Following is advice on giving GIFTS to avoid the gaffs:

Gentle

Try to begin discussions with a gentle touch. Keep your engines purring. (Roaring engines are a major gaff, especially at the outset of a conversation.) Anger is allowed, but do your utmost to start the conversation less harshly. “I’m angry and want to talk about this…” is a gentler start-up than, “I can’t believe you ignored my parents the entire night! Don’t you know how rude that was?”

            Research is clear that when it comes to making complaints, women are more likely to begin with their engines roaring instead of purring. This is probably due to the fact that women anticipate men withdrawing from the discussion early—so their frustrations show right away. Women must learn to start gently, and men must learn to hang in there when conversations get a bit intense.

In-flight repairs

Difficult conversations, by definition, can escalate into miserable arguments. “Repair” comments such as “I shouldn’t have said that…I’m feeling overwhelmed, can we take a break and talk again in 15 minutes?…Please speak more softly…Can we begin again?” and others act like circuit breakers that keep emotional energy from exploding.

            Premature withdrawal from difficult conversations is a major gaff that most men make. Making in-flight repairs prevents that mistake. Repairs have a calming effect on both partners and enable men to have staying power.

Find hidden concerns

Many arguments are not what you are arguing about. Deeper issues of Do you really love me? Am I important to you? Is this relationship fair? can lie underneath. Ignoring these hidden issues is a gaff. Inquiring about such concerns may help you realize why your partner seems irrationally upset about something that seems minor to you. He or she may really be upset about something unstated.

            Women are more intuitive and can therefore detect underlying issues. Usually better listeners, women make eye contact more than men, and often sense subtle variations in tone and timing of speech. They detect apparent contradictions between the speaker’s words and nonverbal language and may assume that despite what the man actually said, they know exactly what he meant. (Men hate it when that happens!)

Teamwork

If you must “win” an argument, then the relationship loses and you have committed a major gaff. You are both on the same team, not adversaries. Unless you treat each other as such, nobody really wins. Teamwork implies a willingness to be influenced by your partner to some degree and to yield on certain points. No stubborn standoffs! Instead, find ways to say “that makes sense…I can understand why you feel that way…I’ll go along with that…” Teamwork also means making time for one another during the day.

            If someone is refusing to yield on certain points and has a hard time admitting that their partner’s view has some merit, that someone is usually the man. Women are more willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship whereas some men regard being right as more important than being friends.

Supportive comments

            Reassure your spouse that you love him or her. Show appreciation for what was done right. Don’t make a gaff by always criticizing what you dislike. Let your partner know that you are proud of his or her accomplishments. If your partner is troubled or upset (especially if it’s not about you), try to empathize.

            A woman has tremendous power in this arena. A man flourishes when he believes that his wife has faith in him and is proud of his accomplishments. Especially if he is going through a rough time personally, a wife who says, “I have faith in you” will boost his confidence (even if he initially scoffs at the remark). She doesn’t necessarily need to help him explore his feelings. In fact, he might feel more vulnerable doing that. Men are supportive when they help a women explore her feelings. However, many men quickly get to “I’m sure it will all work out” as their attempt at support, and then try to change the subject.

This was taken from Dr. Coleman’s book How to Say It for Couples, published by Prentice Hall Press.

By Dr. Paul Coleman

            Men and women tend to have fundamental differences in communication styles and techniques, which often lead to arguments and misunderstandings. Remembering and using the communication techniques that make up GIFTS (Gentle, In-flight repairs, Find hidden concerns, Teamwork, Supportive comments) will transform difficult conversation into rewarding and intimate experiences.

            Following is advice on giving GIFTS to avoid the gaffs:

Gentle

Try to begin discussions with a gentle touch. Keep your engines purring. (Roaring engines are a major gaff, especially at the outset of a conversation.) Anger is allowed, but do your utmost to start the conversation less harshly. “I’m angry and want to talk about this…” is a gentler start-up than, “I can’t believe you ignored my parents the entire night! Don’t you know how rude that was?”

            Research is clear that when it comes to making complaints, women are more likely to begin with their engines roaring instead of purring. This is probably due to the fact that women anticipate men withdrawing from the discussion early—so their frustrations show right away. Women must learn to start gently, and men must learn to hang in there when conversations get a bit intense.

In-flight repairs

Difficult conversations, by definition, can escalate into miserable arguments. “Repair” comments such as “I shouldn’t have said that…I’m feeling overwhelmed, can we take a break and talk again in 15 minutes?…Please speak more softly…Can we begin again?” and others act like circuit breakers that keep emotional energy from exploding.

            Premature withdrawal from difficult conversations is a major gaff that most men make. Making in-flight repairs prevents that mistake. Repairs have a calming effect on both partners and enable men to have staying power.

Find hidden concerns

Many arguments are not what you are arguing about. Deeper issues of Do you really love me? Am I important to you? Is this relationship fair? can lie underneath. Ignoring these hidden issues is a gaff. Inquiring about such concerns may help you realize why your partner seems irrationally upset about something that seems minor to you. He or she may really be upset about something unstated.

            Women are more intuitive and can therefore detect underlying issues. Usually better listeners, women make eye contact more than men, and often sense subtle variations in tone and timing of speech. They detect apparent contradictions between the speaker’s words and nonverbal language and may assume that despite what the man actually said, they know exactly what he meant. (Men hate it when that happens!)

Teamwork

If you must “win” an argument, then the relationship loses and you have committed a major gaff. You are both on the same team, not adversaries. Unless you treat each other as such, nobody really wins. Teamwork implies a willingness to be influenced by your partner to some degree and to yield on certain points. No stubborn standoffs! Instead, find ways to say “that makes sense…I can understand why you feel that way…I’ll go along with that…” Teamwork also means making time for one another during the day.

            If someone is refusing to yield on certain points and has a hard time admitting that their partner’s view has some merit, that someone is usually the man. Women are more willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship whereas some men regard being right as more important than being friends.

Supportive comments

            Reassure your spouse that you love him or her. Show appreciation for what was done right. Don’t make a gaff by always criticizing what you dislike. Let your partner know that you are proud of his or her accomplishments. If your partner is troubled or upset (especially if it’s not about you), try to empathize.

            A woman has tremendous power in this arena. A man flourishes when he believes that his wife has faith in him and is proud of his accomplishments. Especially if he is going through a rough time personally, a wife who says, “I have faith in you” will boost his confidence (even if he initially scoffs at the remark). She doesn’t necessarily need to help him explore his feelings. In fact, he might feel more vulnerable doing that. Men are supportive when they help a women explore her feelings. However, many men quickly get to “I’m sure it will all work out” as their attempt at support, and then try to change the subject.

This was taken from Dr. Coleman’s book How to Say It for Couples, published by Prentice Hall Press.

                This was never a dilemma before, but now it’s an issue among many brides-to-be.  Most of our mothers and grandparents thought “of course I will take the name of my husband.”  However, things have changed a lot, especially in the last decade or two.  Women use to get married younger and not have a career yet.  They were thrilled to have their  husband’s last name.  But as it will forever do, life changes!

                You have options today.  It is not unusual for women to keep her maiden  name professionly and to use her married name socially.  Whether or not to change names may be one of the first decisions a couple needs to make.

                There is also the common possibility of hyphenating your name.  Jane Doe-Smith is an option, and you haven’t lost your birth name.  However, there is a concern that this can  create confusion for some people and computers, especially if one of the names is quite long.  It might become an initial instead of the full name.

                It still isn’t uncommon that both people decide to use their husband’s last name.  Sometimes,

 but not as common, some couples have strong feelings about using the wife’s last name.

                Sometimes couples chose to both retain their birth name.  This choice is a popular choice when you both have established professional identities.  Some women who choose this option use their husband’s name for social purposes.

                Couples in many Spanish speaking countries give their children both their father’s last name and their mother’s maiden name to preserve the heritage of both families.  When marrying, a women has the option  of keeping all her names and adding her husband’s last name or dropping her mother’s maiden name. 

                Some couples use their last name to create a new name.  For instance,   using the first initials of one and the ending of another:   Jane Simble and Mike  McMan made their name Siman.

                When you have children you may need to discuss what you will name them.  One couple who were each keeping their professional  names agreed that they would name their child with the man’s last name and make his or her middle name the mother’s maiden name.  The key here is that you both agree on what to do so that you are both happy with the outcome…and this will be your continual commitment.

CHANGING YOUR NAME

                If you decide to change your name after you get married, here are the places you need to contact about your name change:

                -Social Security Administration

                -Driver’s License

                -Automobile registrations and insurance

                -Work related information

                -Insurance policies

                -Bank accounts

                -Utility bills

                -Credit Cards

                -Passport

                -Medical records

                -Wills, legal documents

                -Organization memberships

                -Voter registration

                -Landlord or Mortgage Company

                The best time to start the name change process is after you receive your certification of marriage.  If you’re honeymooning out of the country you will have to wait until you get back from your honeymoon to change your passport.  Use your maiden name when traveling on your honeymoon so all your I.D. matches; make your flight reservations in your maiden name.

While it is commonplace for brides to want to look stunningly attractive on their wedding day, grooms have started taking greater pride in their appearance and are moving beyond the basics of shaving and passing a comb through their hair to embracing more sophisticated personal grooming techniques.

While it is true that many guys remain casual and un-fussed about their appearance on a day-to-day basis, the run up to their wedding can nurture a sudden desire and indeed obsession to look good and this is only fair! If you expect your fiancée to look good for you on your big day, you’re going to have to say goodbye to that ‘wild, unkempt look’ and exude “sharp and sophisticated”. And its not just about her; the better the look, the more confident you will feel and this will be reflected in those priceless wedding photos.

Contrary to popular misconception, there is nothing un-masculine about taking care of your looks. In fact ancient Indians were aware of the advantage of male grooming long ago.

Along with the stylistic ritual for women was a definitive list of dos and don’ts for the male beautification process. This included advice on beard trimming, moustache shaping and facial massage to help define the features!

As in the past, today many men too want to feel and look good and this is especially true at the time of their weddings when they know a lot of attention will be on them. Ask any woman what qualities she likes in a man and you can bet “proper grooming habits” will top the list. No wonder men are starting to pencil in grooming salon and spa visits into their schedule alongside their gym regimes and nights out with the lads. We are n an age where macho males who do the huff and puff routine on the treadmills, lift weights and sweat it out at the gym are now also applying facemasks, having manicures and are up to scratch with the latest grooming products on the market!!

Given that Asian males are arguably the vainest species on the planet, many would be interested in sprucing up their look for the big day. Sadly, though, grooming is alien to most men even today because unlike women, guys aren’t automatically inducted at a certain age into the ABC of good grooming. We walk you through this fine art to have you looking like a million dollars for your wedding day. After all, who doesn’t want to look their best? So take a deep breath, shed your pre-conceptions and inhibitions and read on…!

SKIN CARE & FACIALS

Perhaps the best place to start is skin care. One of the most common causes of tired, unhealthy looking skin is dehydration, both on the surface and within your body. To combat this get in the habit of drinking at least ten glasses of water a day. Using a cleanser, toner, and moisturizer routine in the run up to the wedding will work wonders for the skin. A facial cleanser will remove the excess grime and dirt from your skin, toning removes excess oil and dead skin cells and closes the pores so that new bacteria will not enter and cause spots and blemishes. Moisturizers help hydrate the skin and give it a healthy glow. A quick skin assessment at their department store counters should determine the best products for you.

In addition to the above-mentioned regime, a series of professional facials will work wonders for you; it leaves you feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and grime-free. Though you might look red-faced for a few hours after your first facial, (have one a couple of weeks before the wedding) your skin will gradually adapt and the magic of the facial will show through.
A variety of facial treatments abound from deep cleansing, firming and rejuvenating facemasks, which work wonders on tired skin. Exfoliation treatments are also becoming popular with bridegrooms, which break down and remove the dead skin layer from your face, revealing a new layer of healthy looking skin. Your chosen grooming salon will be best placed to advise you on your skin type and the correct sequence of facials you should go in for.

A few more words of skin care advice. Always cleanse your skin before workouts. If you go to the gym with squeaky-clean skin then you’ll sweat clean after exercising. This is particularly useful if you can’t get to a shower immediately. The salty post workout residue will be less damaging for your face. Cleanse your face before going to bed. Consider this to be your last daily exercise. If bacteria is allowed to do its dirty work on your face overnight, you will look so much the worse in the day time. Lastly, quitting smoking is a sure fire way of restoring that healthy glow to your face.

FOOLPROOF SHAVING

A clean shave is the part of the look that brings it all together. Applying a sharp metal blade to your face cuts hairs but also removes microscopic layers of skin and can cause redness and irritation. And contrary to uninformed beliefs, you should not abuse your face to get a close shave; Here’s the perfect mantra for a silken, smooth shave:
Before attacking the razor, use a facial cleanser to eradicate dead skin cells. Stubble should be wetted with warm water before shaving. Thoroughly massage shave cream into the stubble. “Shaving creams are adequate, but you’ll be better off borrowing a bit of salon conditioner from your girl to truly soften up the hairs. Using a fresh, sharp blade, rinse it often in warm water when shaving and use slow, short strokes. Shave in the direction the hair grows. Shaving against the grain can cause redness, rashes, razor burn and ingrown hairs. After shaving, apply an oil-free moisturizer instead of an after-shave lotion. If you must use aftershave, get an alcohol-free one, which won’t dry out your skin.

If you sport facial hair, make sure to have it professionally trimmed by a barber the day before the wedding or on your wedding day so that all those stray hairs are tidied up into a look of distinguished panache.

BODY HAIR

Many Asian men “suffer” from bushy or joined up eyebrows and will be amazed how having them shaped up at a salon will sharpen their features and make them look that much better, Pain and puffiness are small prices to pay for well-defined eyebrows so get down there and demonstrate how much of a man you are! Trim your ear and nose hair on a regular basis. Nothing looks less appealing than hair escaping from the nasal orifice or sprouting from the ears. This is easily done with a nose hair trimmer bought from any good high street pharmacy or department store.

Consider trimming your armpit hair in warm weather. Less hair, less bacteria, less odor, it all makes sense! Groom your nether regions. There’s no need to go completely bald, but it is essential to do routine maintenance there too, especially if that’s the way your Mrs. likes it. Whether you want to go the whole hog from trimming to removal is a personal choice, but if you do, a whole host of options are open to you from waxing to electrolysis.

HAIR CARE & STYLING

Hair styling can be a nightmare for many men, and this could be especially true on the day when you really want to look your best. God forbid, you have a bad hair day, just when all your friends, family and the photographers decide to zoom in on you. Fortunately, some precautionary steps can put your mind at rest.

The best time for a pre-wedding haircut is a week prior to the wedding. Now is not the time to start experimenting with new hairstyles and colors! The idea is to look neat and fresh without looking freshly shorn. This will give your hair time to settle down before the wedding and in the nightmare event that you hate your cut, you can always do some damage control before the big day You need a manageable hairstyle. Generally speaking, short hair (not a buzz cut!) not only looks sophisticated but also is easy to care for and will sit well under a wedding turban, if you are wearing one.

Its worth paying your stylist a bit extra to come to your home on the day of your wedding and put your locks in his expert hands so that you will be looking your best. This guarantees that any “bad hair days “can be expertly sorted out. If this is a luxury you cant afford, be armed with the right styling products for the look you want to achieve. If your hair is naturally unruly, or you want to achieve a spiky or “out of bed” look, Fudge styling waxes and putties are perfect for the job and also come in a “matt” range for those who want a non wet look. If you have longer hair which you would like to set in a given style, work a small amount of styling mousse through towel dried hair, followed by a swift blow dry.
Weekly hair care in the run up to the wedding is also vital. Each person’s hair is different in texture, condition, length and thickness, so its important you choose a shampoo, which is best for your hair type. Those with dry, coarse hair or those who use styling products on a daily basis also need to condition their hair at least twice a week or go for an intensive conditioning treatment at their hair salon. This will nourish your hair and add luster to your locks.

NAILS & MANICURES

There will be lots of hand shaking for the groom on his wedding day, so nails should not be neglected. Until a few years ago, manicures and pedicures were widely considered a ‘Metro-sexual fad; Today, it has more to do with hygiene. All grooms should go in for a basic manicure and pedicure, which involves soaking the hands and feet, pushing back the cuticles and then cleaning, filing and cutting the nails. Not only is it hygienic, it will tidy up your hands and can be a nice and relaxing treatment.
Don’t forget to include your hands and feet in your weekly grooming routine. Clip your fingernails weekly. This should be obvious, but for a lot of men, it surprisingly isn’t. Rub light oils or cream into fingers, nails and cuticles to help moisturize them and keep them looking well primed.

GOOD DENTAL HYGEINE

Good dental hygiene means a dazzling smile. Clean your tongue when you brush your teeth (Indians have been doing this for centuries). This will remove the bacteria, which sticks on your tongue and is a primary cause for bad breath. Regular flossing, use of a good mouthwash  and chewing sugar free gum will all go a long way to giving you a Colgate smile!

DE-STRESSING

Wedding planning is stressful and to keep your sanity a good massage at a day spa, is a sure-fire way to reduce anxiety, tension and stress. You will literally feel your blood pressure dropping. You might want to keep things simple with a relaxing Indian Head massage, which will literally have you seeing things more clearly or go the whole hog with a holistic full body Swedish massage. Gym workouts, yoga, meditation and the ancient Indian breathing technique of “Pranayama” will all go a long way to helping you feel more relaxed and in control of any hungamas that surface in planning your big day!

 
Answers we’ll Never Get to Hear

Answers We’ll Never Get We believe it is important to preserve what makes music special, and make it easy to craft listening experiences. At MOG, browse millions songs and play them instantly. Or just turn on radio where you can stop and replay songs. You can also create playlists for any occasion, and even download songs to your mobile. We are dedicated to employing the cleanest but most powerful technology so you can enjoy music as much as ever.

For the groom who wants to please his new bride, we have compiled a list of what women say they want from their man.  Most of the men that we spoke with told us they would welcome such a list.  Below is a list we think will help you to accomplish your goal to please your new bride:

1. Ladies want there husbands to listen to them.  She wants him to care about her and what she feels.  She wants you to listen to her not only with your ears, but also with your heart.
2. Ladies want to hear from their man that he loves her.  You can tell her “I love you” or you can write it, text message it or e-mail it.  Don’t be afraid to show your love to her when you take a walk or are sitting next to her, at dinner or anywhere. 
3. Ladies want good conversation with their husband.  They want you to open up to them as much as they want to open up to you.  They want you to acknowledge what they have to say and to communicate with you.
4. Ladies want you to understand and forgive them.  Let’s face it, no one is perfect and forgiveness and understanding can go a long way. 
5. Ladies want their husband to show affection and kindness and to speak politely.       

An unexpected kiss or a beautiful rose can go a long way.  Why not say please and thank you; that is what you want your children to hear, if you have any.  Some believe that

being kind and affectionate to one another is the key to a successful marriage.   

1.  Ladies want you to make time for them and your children.  Having quality time with your wife and kids happens by making the plans and following through.  Tim with those you love has to be a high priority for you.
2. Ladies want you to say “yes” more that saying “no”.  Think twice before saying “no” you will be surprised at how saying “yes” can improve your relationship.
3. Ladies want you to share the household and child rearing responsibilities with them.  In today’s day and age it’s essential.  Often women are working, bringing home the bacon as much as men.  Your fathers or grandfathers may have been the only workers in their household and the household chores were mostly the wife’s responsibility ie, cooking, cleaning raising the kids.  But things have changed quite a bit, please be aware of that.
4. Give your new bride a day off now and then.  This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets and you.  She not only deserves this break in her schedule, she needs it to be emotionally and physically healthy. 

Ladies want you to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.  Your new bride is your lover not your mother.  Take responsibility for your own health concerns.

Check our Sister Site Bride’s Guide.com 

By:   Jeanmarie Willett

Love in Paris Collection Eiffel Tower key chain favorsAdd a perfectly Parisian touch to your love filled occasion with these Love in Paris Collection Eiffel Tower key chain favors They say that Paris is one of the most romantic places on earth And this unique Eiffel Tower design key chain favor brings one of Paris most recognizable landmarks right to your event tables From our exclusive Love in Paris Collection each keychain measures 1 x 1 34 and features a detailed pewter poly resin Eiffel Tower shaped charm with shimmering clear rhinestone accents attached to a silver metal chain and key ring Sure to up the romance in an already romantic day each keychain favor comes packaged in a clear topped box with a black base and silver insert tied with a white organza ribbon and an attached globe and beret design For You tag

 
On behalf of your wedding, your guests are gracing your memorable occasion with their presence. You may want to return the favor or the same act of kindness.  A favor shows gratitude, acknowledgment and good will. 

Think back to the last wedding you attended.  Once you returned your “Respondez S’il Vous Plait.” or RSVP, ( “Reply Please”!) to the perspective bride and groom and accepted your invitation, the following scenario probably took place.

Chances are you probably either bought a new outfit or had your dress or suit taken to the cleaners.  You also probably had your hair coiffed to perfection and had your nails perfectly groomed by a professional manicurist.  You either filled the car tank with gas or purchased airline tickets if the ceremony or reception was held out of town.  Then there was the purchase of the perfect wedding card and gift.  If a gift wasn’t purchased, you had to battle with yourself as to the amount of greenbacks that would slide themselves inside the carefully hand picked wedding card for the bride and groom.  Being an invitee at a wedding can amount to a costly out of pocket expense for a guest.  Let’s not forget the expense involved if an entire family is invited instead of just the Mr. and Mrs.

Favors are a way to acknowledge your guests and thanking them for attending one of the most important events in your life. 
A Dutch tradition is to give out “Bridal Sugar”. This party favor is made of five pieces of sweet candy wrapped in tulle. The number five represents five wishes of Love, Happiness, Loyalty, Prosperity, And Virility.

Bride’s Guide recommends getting your Announcements out early.
Choose from hundreds of customizable printed Wedding Invitations at Cocodot.com